First Steps: Seeking Help

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always wanted to be one thing, a mom. I have changed and lost interest in so many aspects of my life; my education, my career, even my love life. Longing to become a mom has been the only constant. I always assumed that when the time was right, it would be easy, it would just happen, and everything would fall into place. I never thought I would be one of the 7% with unexplained infertility at 24. But here I am. Twelve months of trying and still no baby. 

         I’m at the very beginning of my infertility treatment. I’m currently writing this with medical wrap around my right arm. Fresh out a blood test, the first of many. My doctors assure me that with my young age all of my testing will probably come back normal. Meaning, I more than likely just need a little medical intervention to help in the baby making process. As the 24 year- old surrounded by women accidentally and purposely having babies left and right, I’m a little more cynical. I keep saying to my husband, “How come they can make a baby without even trying and we can’t after a year of trying?” I was already dealt shitty odds, so I’m not convinced that I won’t be again and have to through treatment after treatment. 

         This whole journey has been a consistent roller coaster of feeling hopeful, positive, determined, angry, sad, and negative. Currently the game plan my doctors have made is blood tests, semen analysis, an HSG, and then a cycle of IUI with Clomid. Knowing that we’re starting to take steps towards fixing things has me more anxious rather than hopeful and excited. Part of that has to do with playing the waiting game the rest of this cycle before we can do the HSG and IUI next month. The other part is that the statistics of my first IUI taking and ending with a birth are not very high. With my age my chances of a pregnancy are between 15 and 20% each cycle. However since I’m doing the HSG and  IUI during the same cycle there is a chance that the HSG will come back with a problem on it and we’ll have to stop the IUI cycle.